Journal: November 8, 2024 - Forward, Together

What's Happening This Week

Words for the week: 0 (not planned time off, but it’s been a weird week. More below.)

Current workout: Supposed to be 10 Rounds by Beachbody. Again, more below.

What I’m reading: Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb, Book One of the Rainwild Chronicles and Book Ten in the Realm of the Elderlings saga. I finished Forest of Ruin by Kelley Armstrong (Book Three of the Age of Legends trilogy) and Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman.

Processing the Past: Separation and Moving Forward

The past few months have weighed on me. 2024 has been rough in ways I never anticipated. In April, my wife and I separated, and by October, our divorce was finalized. It wasn’t a split I ever imagined for myself—no mutual understanding, no closure, and no real communication. She simply vanished, starting a new life while I was left behind with nine pets and a home filled with echoes of our past. A fresh start might sound like a relief, but it wasn’t an option I had. I’m still living the life we built—she just isn’t part of it anymore.

When the divorce was finalized, I expected to fall apart. I braced myself for a collapse, for days or weeks lost to grief. But instead, something surprising happened: I felt lighter, as though a weight I’d carried for far too long had finally lifted. For the first time in months, maybe years, I felt hopeful. That sense of hope hasn’t vanished—I do believe there is a chance for me to rebuild, to truly begin again. And yet, even as I acknowledge that truth, the pain is still there. The memories are still raw.

It’s easy to look back and see all the moments that should have been warning signs, all the red flags I ignored or minimized. And maybe I’m making them seem bigger now, just to justify the end of it all. Am I exaggerating the flaws to convince myself that this was the right path? Maybe. But the hidden betrayals I’ve recently uncovered add another layer to the hurt. I’m far from perfect—I made my own mistakes. I faced them, took accountability, and tried to learn from them. When the tables were turned, she chose to walk away instead. That’s a reality I have to come to terms with.

A failed marriage was never part of the story I wanted to tell about my life, but it’s now part of who I am. The only option is to keep moving forward—because dwelling in the past won’t change it, and the future is still out there waiting.

A Divided Nation and the Weight of Politics

This week also brought major political upheaval with the national election. I’ve always tried to keep my political thoughts away from public forums—not because I don’t care, but because I respect that everyone has their own beliefs. I believe in listening, in one-on-one discussions, but when it comes to public discourse, it so often feels like shouting into the void or unintentionally alienating people.

Still, it’s impossible to ignore the divisions running through the country. The political climate is charged with fear, anger, and anxiety—not just because of economic or foreign policy differences, but because people are genuinely afraid of having their basic rights stripped away. Progress made over years feels fragile, like it could be ripped away at any moment by fear, ignorance, or prejudice. It’s not just about which party won; it’s about whether compassion and understanding can hold their ground in a storm of division. It’s exhausting, and I hate the state of things with every fiber of my being.

To anyone who might be reading this: We are all fighting battles, both personal and collective. Some of us fight by stepping up and speaking out, while others fight by withdrawing and taking care of themselves. There’s no right way to navigate these times—everyone copes in their own way. But know this: I will fight alongside you. If you stumble and fall, I’ll be there, kneeling beside you. When you’re ready, I hope I'm strong enough to help you stand, and together, we’ll keep moving forward.

Hatred cannot win. It must not win. Every person deserves love, respect, and dignity—even when disagreements arise. Hatred isn’t freedom. It’s a prison we build for ourselves, and I refuse to let it shape my actions or my heart.

Navigating the Personal Struggles

This week hasn’t been the most productive in the conventional sense. I didn’t write, and I didn’t stick to my workout routine. I’ve been grappling with emotions, trying to find stability amid the storm. On top of everything else, I’ve decided to quit coffee. It’s become more of an addiction than a comfort—something I lean on too heavily both mentally and financially. Breaking away from it is yet another battle, but one I’m determined to fight.

Life can be rough. There will always be hard weeks and harder decisions. But it’s in these moments of struggle that we discover who we are and what we’re capable of. This isn’t the time to give up; it’s the time to keep fighting.

To you, the reader of this journal—stay strong. Be blessed. You are loved. You are wanted. There is a future that is brighter than today. We just have to keep moving toward it—together.

Edward